Greetings, comrades, and welcome to the 129th running of the Conquer Club Dispatch!
I can't really mention Scenarios in the late-breaking news section, since their implementation was already announced in the last Dispatch. Still, they are a recent development, and if you haven't explored them yet I very much suggest that you should.
The final great installment of Dakky21's magnificent Guess this Map contest. If you've been following this contest from the beginning, here is your last and greatest challenge. If you've never tried it before, it's not too late. There are prizes to be won in each and every installment, including this one.
In the Interrogation Room, josko.ri answers the many questions he was asked.
In War Games, iAmCaffeine brings us the monthly roundup of tournament winners, and DaveH brings us a TPA update.
In Officialdom, BigWham brings us his view from the Command Deck, and
JamesKer1 brings us a roundup of the view on the Suggestions Deck.
Under the heading of Friendly Fire, I announce the winners of the Dispatch Critics Contest.
In the Mess Hall, SilverWill and Razorvich discuss the difficulties of running a contest in the Internet Age.
Clan directorKeefie has risen to my challenge and provided us with a roundup of events in the clan world.
In Cartography, I reprinted one of the old, old articles by theHippo8 with some stunningly beautiful maps-that-never-were. Sometimes it's a delight to walk down Memory Lane. And speaking of Memory Lane,
I discuss my retirement as publisher of the Dispatch
Enjoy your read, and all the best to you and yours as 2015 opens up!
The biggest news this month is the Tournament Players' Association All-Star Month Event. In this event, players who have played in TPA tournament will be honoured, but players who have not played in TPA events will also have an opportunity to get involved. Follow the link for full details.
The Official Monthly Challenge for January 2015 is up and running! (Editor's privilege, insert irrelevant personal commentary: I have a personal story here. I was SO overloaded on games after the December monthly challenge and the 7-days of Conquer Club that I absolutely swore I would not get involved in the January challenge. And then what does DoomYoshi do? He puts the January challenge on my favourite settings (12-player, escalating, sunny, parachute) and tricks me into getting into it. Damn you Yoshi!!!)
First prizeand the Special Citation both go to agentcom, the special citation being for the interestings. Incidentally, I read the whole Times review, and my favourite line was the same one that agentcom decided to quote.
Honourable mention orange stars go to: angola for great use of self-depracating humour, mookiemcgee for that personal touch in his well-written anecdote, and thelord for going deeeeeep into the archives.
"1. Communication. The team that communicates well is successful. Whether you use in-game chat, live chat, PMs, IMs, Skype, or what have you, every team member needs to know the game plan. Whatever works."
I guess this is a right of passage. Now someone who has been a fixture since I joined strips back. It won't be the same without him. Duk, you have always been someone I respected and looked up to. You are part of what made this site something I wanted to get more involved in. Step back, have fun, and let your interests pull you on, whether here or elsewhere.
dk you are one of the good guys here at CC and I would like to personally thank you for so much added enjoyment that you have brought to this site. So glad that we will still be seeing you around.
Greetings, comrades, and welcome to the 129th running of the Conquer Club Dispatch!
I can't really mention Scenarios in the late-breaking news section, since their implementation was already announced in the last Dispatch. Still, they are a recent development, and if you haven't explored them yet I very much suggest that you should.
You want to challenge yourself in impossible situations (like playing Civilization with difficulty set to Deity)
You want to not challenge yourself and just amuse yourself with a guaranteed win (like playing Duke Nukem with all the cheats turned on)
You want to simulate an actual historical event (setting up World 2.1 for a World War II simulation with actual relative troop strengths of the major powers.)
You want to rectify something that has always annoyed you (why does every AOR2 game end with 90 % of the map still neutral?)
Or for a thousand other conceivable reasons.
In this Issue we have:
The final great installment of Dakky21's magnificent Guess this Map contest. If you've been following this contest from the beginning, here is your last and greatest challenge. If you've never tried it before, it's not too late. There are prizes to be won in each and every installment, including this one.
In the Interrogation Room, josko.ri answers the many questions he was asked.
In War Games, iAmCaffeine brings us the monthly roundup of tournament winners, and DaveH brings us a TPA update.
In Officialdom, BigWham brings us his view from the Command Deck, and
JamesKer1 brings us a roundup of the view on the Suggestions Deck.
Under the heading of Friendly Fire, I announce the winners of the Dispatch Critics Contest.
In the Mess Hall, SilverWill and Razorvich discuss the difficulties of running a contest in the Internet Age.
Clan directorKeefie has risen to my challenge and provided us with a roundup of events in the clan world.
In Cartography, I reprinted one of the old, old articles by theHippo8 with some stunningly beautiful maps-that-never-were. Sometimes it's a delight to walk down Memory Lane. And speaking of Memory Lane,
I discuss my retirement as publisher of the Dispatch
Enjoy your read, and all the best to you and yours as 2015 opens up!
The biggest news this month is the Tournament Players' Association All-Star Month Event. In this event, players who have played in TPA tournament will be honoured, but players who have not played in TPA events will also have an opportunity to get involved. Follow the link for full details.
The Official Monthly Challenge for January 2015 is up and running! (Editor's privilege, insert irrelevant personal commentary: I have a personal story here. I was SO overloaded on games after the December monthly challenge and the 7-days of Conquer Club that I absolutely swore I would not get involved in the January challenge. And then what does DoomYoshi do? He puts the January challenge on my favourite settings (12-player, escalating, sunny, parachute) and tricks me into getting into it. Damn you Yoshi!!!)
The Great War re-enactment started in September on CC. This mega-tourney seeks to re-enact World War I in its entirety. Since WWI lasted 4 years, this event will also last four years. Even if you haven’t participated yet in this event, there is still plenty of time to enter any particular tourney you choose and win prizes. Be sure to check the top of your Central Command page for new tournies to enter. Descriptions of the current tourney can always be found in the current tourneys page. The Race to the Sea tourney currently in sign-ups looks like a fantastic tournament.
Since starting in September, there have been 26 unique auto tournaments. Each tourney seeks to recreate a certain event from the war. Each tournament details out the history of the event and provides historical context for the tournament. Since there are multiple instances of each tournament, we have had 40 unique winners so far. Tournaments will be posted as we hit the 100th anniversary for each event. In addition to the great tournaments, there have also been guessing games and caption contests.
Happy to announce that With 3468 games played at time of typing, Scenarios have found a solid niche audience. Also, a number of new Scenario Creators have signed up to conjure their most maddening gameplay fantasies up for you. So expect more and varied Scenarios to come, and if you fancy yourself some manner of CC deity, check in to the Foundry and you can be set on the path to Scenario Superstardom!
Also, hurrah for an absolutely awesome Passport challenge cooked up for December, and closing out a big year of Monthly Challenges. Congrats to the Community Team for putting the season together and to josko.ri for winning the final challenge! I hope we are all gearing up for our favorite events in 2015?
*A Taste of Future Things*
What is that? Is it a Bouncetoad? A springlizard? A tadpole on the lam? Watch this space to score more info.
*Random Feature Special*
Did you know you can play Chess on CC? If you are premium player, go here
A New Year and a New Suggestions- Early January Featureby JamesKer1
Wow! What a year what a year. This year the Suggestions has gone through some crazy changes, including Community Discussions over possible features or changes, lots of roster changes, and a new pipeline for Suggestions, where we have removed the dump of Suggestions left in Submitted Suggestions and Rejected for long periods of time.
As the year comes to a close, we have some more plans in store. We plan on a systematic mass indexing project- and you will see plenty of yellow dots all over the forum to prove it! We also would like to set up a way to discuss things that YOU want to talk about in Community Discussions. There are also prizes in mind, but they aren't fully fledged out yet so I won't comment on them, so keep an eye out for those!!
And now, to some features of the past few months.
Diamond Medals (2014)- ViperOverlord brings up a seemingly obvious- but previously unsuggested- medal suggestion about yet another level of medals that "should take years to attain" for the "diehards". As some players such as b00060 get closer and closer to a full rack of platinum, the deadline for this suggestion gets closer and closer as well! Go check it out!
Inform Defendant of Pending C&A Report (2014)- Due to recent events in C&A around this time, clangfield brings up a solution to a very present problem that has affected many of us, including myself. He suggests that a change in policy is made so that the defendant is made aware that they have been accused of a crime, and the suggestion has been cited as a "fundamental tenet of pretty much ever reasonable legal system ever devised" (Dukasaur), so why not at CC? While on the surface it may not seem controversial whatsoever, points are brought up against it, as well as comments from a previous Multi Hunter!
In Game Team PM Button (2014)- While already available in add-on form, willedtowin1 suggests to make this feature a part of the website for access across multiple devices and freedom from downloading scripts onto a device. It is most definitely a good thing to check out for any hardcore team players!
Happy New Year, Happy Holidays, and Happy Suggesting!
Well it’s been a while since there was a Clan World update in the Dispatch, so let me begin with an introduction to the Clan Directors and their main roles.
Leehar - Head Clan Director Lindax - Tournaments Keefie - Forums, Database, War Privileges Icepack - F400 & F41 Ranking Tools, Clan Medals
We can all be contacted by PM or if you have any questions regarding the Clan scene then pop into the forum and ‘Ask the CD’s’ here: viewtopic.php?f=438&t=209834
Now this is a message to all Conquer Club members who aren’t currently in a clan. There are currently 30 to 40 active clans and between 1,000 and 1,500 clan members. That means there are up to 9,000 potential clan members out there who are missing out on a major part of the Conquer Club experience. Why should I join a clan ? I hear you ask. Well I’ve been a member here since December 2006 and I didn’t join a clan until 2011. Why didn’t I join before that ? I guess I was happy playing 1v1’s and the odd team game and regarded the Clan world as a bit cliquey and not worth bothering with. Well how wrong I was !! Being part of a Clan and then becoming Clan Leader of the Headless Horsemen, totally reinvigorated my CC gaming experience. There’s nothing better than fighting Clan battles along side your friends and I promise you will make loads.
There are Clans of all abilities, most of whom are looking for players. You could also create your own Clan, the Clan Directors can help with this. If you have a specific Clan that you like the sound of, then contact the leaders directly, but check out their minimum requirements first. If you’re not sure and you want all Clans to know you’re interested then post here: viewtopic.php?f=440&t=210051
Clan Wars Latest
December and early January are traditionally a quiet time and the number of regular wars currently being fought reflects that. There are however, five very active Clan tournaments currently underway so without further ado here’s an update on all of them.
Clan League 6
Agents of the Chaotic Empire are dominating the early stages of the Premier League. They’re currently unbeaten and have 12pts after 6 decided games. On their heels are The Fallen, KORT and TOFU, but all of these clans have played more games. The biggest surprise so far is that both Knights of the Round Table and The Odd Fellows Union have both dropped points against Clans they’d normally be expected to beat. Is there a way back for these top ranked Clans ?
There’s a right old battle going on in the Second League, with four Clans within 3pts of each other. LHDD currently have the lead but both Royal Galaxy and Gladiators of Noxious have games in hand. One thing’s guaranteed, this will go down to the wire.
Finally the Third League. Sadly due to dropouts only six clans are involved, but to make things interesting all six have agreed to extend the season by playing each other twice. The Headless Horsemen are the current leaders with Atlantis hard on their heels ,but with more wins in the pipeline for HH and dropped points looming for Atlantis, HH look like increasing their lead.
Conquerors Cup 5
The last 16 is progressing and 4 Clans - ACE, LHDD, TOFU and TSM have already made it through to the Quarter Finals and it looks like they’ll be joined soon The Legion. The other three matches still have a way to go and are all very close. Will there be any surprise results ? Keep your eyes on TNC !!
Les Hussards du Dragons 39 - The Pack 22 - Complete Agents of the Chaotic Empire 39 - The Royal Galaxy 22 - Complete The Odd Fellows Union 41 - Memento Mori 19 - Result The Spanking Monkeys 31 - Fraternal Order of Exceptional Drinkers 26 - Result The Legion 30 - One Step Ahead 28 The Fallen 20 - Retribution 19 Atlantis 15 - Risk Attackers 20 Knights of the Round Table 10 - The New Crusade 12
Ten Clans are fighting for glory in the Random League which is being run independently by Uckuki. This is always a popular, hard fought competition and this year is no exception. The current leaders are the Fraternal Order of Exceptional Drinkers with 4 wins from 4, right behind them are One Step Ahead with 3 wins from 3, followed by Phoenix with 3 wins from 4.
Random Cup
The Random Cup Final is about to commence between Les Hussards du Dragons and the Fraternity of Exceptional Drinkers. What better than to have two of the hottest Clans around contesting a best of 61 game spectacular. If I were a bookmaker they'd both be evens for this one, it should be a cracker.
Newcomers Cup
The Newcomers Cup is always a fiercely contested competition and this year hasn't disappointed. Open to all new clans and older clans ranked below #25 in the F400, this Cup gives the 'minnows' of the clan world a chance to win some silverware. This years final sees Aeternus playing against The Knights Templar. Aeternus, the higher ranked clan, had a bye in the first round followed by wins against Gladiators of Noxious and The Ulti-m8's. The Knights Templar are here courtesy of wins over Legio Invicta, The Walking Dead and Splinter Cell. Expect a very hard fought final.
That’s all from the Clan world this month, make sure you check next months Dispatch for more updates.
josko.ri wrote:Which is better, Japan or Croatia? I will use quote from others with which I agree: "Give me 100,000 Croatian soldiers and I will conquer the entire world" Napoleon Bonaparte "Japan is the best country for living and the worst for working."
Best part of Japan? The level of interpersonal respect.
Worst part of Japan? Perception of success in Japanese people's mindsets.
Best part of Croatia? Sense for humor.
Worst part of Croatia? Corruption.
Which has better KFC? Chicks are better in Croatia.
How are your dice normally as compared to others? Average.
What was the best part about being conqueror? The feeling of success.
Will you give me a rematch from our England Olympics game where I couldn't pull off any rolls? Yes, send me invite.
How many hours do you spend planning each move? I get ideas instantly. We played recently, didn't you notice how quick my turns were?
Do you scold your teammates if they move without consulting you first? I just write in game chat, with educational purposes for all involved players in the team, what was done wrong and why.
Which maps would you consider yourself an expert on? Hive and Conquer Rome. As bigger as possible maps.
Are there any maps you would like to learn? King's Court 1&2.
On a scale of Blitzaholic to Yes how arrogant are you? Yes.
Why we never met in real life? You were alter and I was schmeller.
What did Moonchild told about me (dakky)? We never spoke about you.
Are you for a beer when you get back in Rijeka? Always for a beer with fellow CCer, I will send you message.
if your teammate gets good dice and uses the strategy provided to him by u, do u take the credit or does he? if your teammate gets bad dice and uses the strategy provided to him by u, do u take the blame or does he? I never give nor receive credits for dice.
if your teammate misses a reinforcement in an unlimited game with u, is it the ruler or the belt? Mistakes are not big deal in the game.
Is it true that every time a clanmate takes a turn without consulting you, somewhere a little bird dies? :p Nope.
Origin of your screen name? Josko from Rijeka.
Break up of the former Yugoslavia: tragedy, a good thing, you don't care .... A great thing.
Was Benga a better all around player or you? No.
Why do people think you are God like? Do they, I do not think so?
What is your strategy for the opening move for your team in a quads, fog, unlimited forts on hive To make that ratio of number of usage of 3 attacker dice versus 2 defender dice be as much as possible in favor of my team.
what does josko.ri mean? Josko from Rijeka.
is it true that you were raised by wolves, and therefore honour your ancestors with a picture of your grandfather as your avatar? or is it just me (hopalong) and dukasaur (dukasaur) that carries on the tradition of honouring ancestors in their avatar? The avatar theme represents "The Steppenwolf".
what is the maximum you would pay for CC membership (in soviet-era rubles, please, calculating for deflation)? Depending on service I get from CC, at this time I would not pay.
best and worst site change since you were a corporal? best: Polymorphic games. worst: Ej_Jefe.
how many times have you fallen in love in CC? 2.
how many times did you check your own Interrogation thread? please include the times you clicked on it just to raise the view count. It was around 15 times.
what perception do you think the majority of CC players who know you have of you? please also share your feelings on the matter. Passionable guy, good in bed. I agree with them.
you allegedly joined CC on Sun Nov 15, 2009 6:18 pm, though no games appear on your profile before 2010-04-23 18:30:55 ... what was the recipe that you used to eat those games? This is mistake in searching machine. See Game 5937352 I have started my CC career with 8-0 score.
Why does your clan get all the hot chicks? See my answer from 2 questions before.
If you had to play a quads game with 3 members from TOFU, who would you pick to be your teammates and why? and in that same game, you had to play with those 3 against 4 other TOFU clan members. who would select to be your opponents? You clan select past and present TOFU members (but none that have have ever been a part of KORT or have a win percentage greater than 43.8% on the map and settings you select..yes, you get to pick that as well ). You can also select the 7 TOFU players in your game with out regarding my fine print as that seems a bit time consuming to figure out upon further consideration. As I do not play games with current TOFU member unless I have to, then I would choose past members as my teammates and current members as opponents. Seullessliathan, dkmaster, Chuuuuck in my team. All great strategists, and all had hardballs to have and defend their own opinion against CoF's tyranny. As opponents, jackal, Great-Ollie, Denise and Dako, because these are the sorest losers from TOFU, and kicking asses of sore losers are always much better than kicking asses of other players.
Do you think you can have a longer response to this interrogation than I did in mine? No. I am actually short with time and am answering quickly. Unfortunately
Did you ever lost to a bot in a singles match? If so which one? Yes, Game 13457195
Who is your favorite opponent on CC ? Blitzaholic, I learned many strategic approaches by playing versus him.
Is there player/team you feel anxious to play against ? Yes, universalchiro with his aggressive "roots of life" stories, like I am interested about his opinion about that.
Which clan would you like to join ( except KORT of course) ? ACE, PIG or TSM.
Are you missing cof ? Nope, CC finally became place for true fun since he left.
Besides yourself, who is your favourite conqueror, and what can we learn from him? Blitzaholic, he was Doctor of Strategy. We can learn from him who are top 5 since the beginning of time in every category on CC.
Wow! I just saw the news that you won HA's 200th. What are some of your most memorable moments from what was quite likely Conquer Club's biggest tournament of all time. That tournament was special for me in many ways. The most memorable moment was huge turnover in Game 12676980. At that time, I already had 0-2 score in that round, and if I had lost I would be eliminated. Besides that, I think I have won the most Annual (50'th 100th or 200th of the same organizer) tournaments on CC, counting around 5 or more titles in that category.
Do you miss cof in the CC4 finals thread? Do you miss yourself in the cc4 finals thread? I am glad that CoF left CC and do not miss him at all. I am also not missing myself from cc4 finals thread because I am in my entirety a person who shares respect, unless shown otherwise towards me, in which case I also show otherwise back, like it was unfortunately the case in the cc4 finals thread.
Can there be a hero without a vilain? Definitely yes, agents of changing the world to be better place are all heroes.
Who is the second best player from kort (only 1 player has to be named)? josko.ri
How attractive is it for japanese girls when you reveal you are croatian compared to the average cc female population? 4.5 times more attractive. You should hear these voices of surprise when I reveal that I am Croatian
How disappointed are you with dakky's questions since he privately said he had a lot of questions he wanted to ask you? I think he is an interesting person, looking forward to see him.
Where have you buried qwert's body? His body is always winner of every discussions.
We first teamed up together in the Your Favourite way to End the World tournament, do you really think you would have won without me ? You were our lucky charm, so I am aware nothing would be achieved without you.
We often chat on Skype and quite often when i wake up I see I have missed messages from you, you appear to be always available.. when if ever do you find time to sleep? I actually sleep 8-9 hours per day, and Japanese people consider it too much.
Is it true that your IQ is half your current CC score? my IQ is my current CC score divided by 18.
Who do you think is the greatest player never to make the conqueror rank? Clive.
Why wasn't I the answer to the last question? You are Department Leader, so you are disqualified from considerations because you always hack the dice.
Which country has the best cuisine? which country has the worst? Japan the best, India the worst.
coke or pepsi? coke.
Are you really HardAttack's english coach? Nope, I am qwert's english coach.
Does Bruceswar really live in his grandmother's basement? Only when he spends holidays with his girlfriend.
If you eat enough japanese seafood will your blood glow? I will be genki.
If you could permanently delete any other user's account whose would you delete, bonus points for saying why Chariot of Fire, so I can be sure that CC will remain enjoyable place for a while.
Is Shannon Apple really a woman? She is asexual towards me, so I would not put my hands in fire that she is really a woman.
Would you be prepared to have a multi check done on you and qwert? Actually, we almost every time disagreed with each other.
Would you rather kiss me or hug COF? Hug CoF, I am always ready for new beginnings.
What do you think about the reputation you have as KoRT's slave driver? A great example how an eloquent individual such as CoF can manipulate other people's opinion.
Since everyone seems to expect it, how come you didn't kill me for missing a turn recently in one of our games? I am gentleman towards ladies.
Does this mean that you are going soft in your old age? Am I that old? Oh my, now I understand why my mum sent me preparations for grow of lost hair from Croatia to Japan.
They all want to know it but ask behind your back rather than directly. Is Josko human? A human whose goal is perfectionism.
Why do you think Dakky wants to meet you in real life so badly? Because he thinks that I can convince benga to return to CC.
Tell me about how you and COF came to be fierce rivals? He showed to be sore loser because when his clan started to lose for the first time in his clan career, he started to speak in the war thread about our extensive luck widely. My reply was that if he has his right to debate about dice (even though nobody asked him for his opinion about dice in that war) then I have right to debate about strategy and point some poor plays of TOFU members. My deep hope was that he will realize that the big part for his clan's losses falls into strategy, no matter of the fact that he put his all abilities to blame dice for all loses.
Who is your favorite KORT teammate(s)? Moonchild, Foxglove, random21, Rodion, Astoriana.
Which clan war have you enjoyed the most and why? CC1 KORT vs THOTA https://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewt ... p?t=131744, our the biggest win so far. THOTA was top of the top of clan scene for years until we beat them.
What is your favorite map on CC? Hive.
What do you do besides playing CC? Study and enjoying beauties which Japan can give to an individual.
If you were going to join any other clan not named KORT, Who would it be and why? ACE - great guys and great strategists. PIG - I think they have the most dose of humor in their clan. TSM - great strategists.
Tell me what you really think about the C&A Team and the rulings they have put on you. It was public pressure on officials at that time from a small number of very active forum posters to punish famous players, and king achilles was thinking that he is doing "will of people for people". However, people are not dumb and they were realizing that C&A verdicts versus famous players were unfairly given and started to leave the site in disappointment. I remember in just several months after that, number of active players fell down from 20K ti 12K. Even king achilles sent me message that he thinks that I had no intention to cheat, but was just too reliable that could very often be online which caused many of my sitting when Moonchild and Rodion were absent. To be things worse, my main prosecutor CoF was later found in 2 even bigger scale situations to do much worse things than these for what he had accused me.
How did you make it to Conquer? What pushed you to try to get to the number 1 spot? Just a challenge if I can do it without shady ways.
What do you want your legacy on CC to be years later when you are gone? Player who influenced others to think logically.
Looking back on things, what if anything would you change? I would like to be more humble in forum postings in general.
Other than a brilliant analytical mind, what does it take to get to the top in CC? A good idea about how will you achieve it, and discipline to follow the plan.
How do you pronounce your name? Is it a J sound? Is it Y sound? Josko... or Yosko? I do not know Croatian pronunciation. I have always thought of it as I am saying J-osko, or am I wrong? Yoshko
When you first recruited me to Kort, did you believe I would reach Conqueror? Yes or yes? And, did you then recruit me because you knew I would be Conqueror? I believed. I saw your good points in a forum about strategic discussions.
When will you decide to take back Conqueror for yourself? When you give me permission.
If I were to invent something and give it your name, what would that thing be? Measurement unit for turbulence.
Do you like Orange Juice? Have you ever sailed on a boat? Yes to both.
If you were to create your own scale for measuring length, what would you choose for units of measure? How long would each be, in centimetres? Jostuary, and it would standard for how far a particle of fluid can travel by inertia within an estuary before being brought to zero velocity.
If this interrogation forum had an intermittence as viewers read it, what midway entertainment would you like to provide us with? Music? Movies? Would it be a game of risk? Me having dance performance on this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2AitTPI5U0
It is often said that certain tasks are impossible. For instance counting the number of grains of sand on a beach, or number of stars visible in the sky at a certain point. Are these things that Josko is able to do? For instance, could you arrive at a beach, and walk it up and down 3 times, and then perform an equation in your mind, and calculate that the exact number of grains of sand is 21, 212, 121, 212, 121, 212, 121? Tasks like these make my life challenging and enjoyable. I am not able to do these tasks but I am getting closer to be able one day in future.
What do you like best about Canada? The Flag and Vancouver.
Are there certain things people in the world hear about Canada, that you would like clarification about I actually have weak networking with Canadians. I consider them the most similar to Australians.
What do you prefer writing with? Pen? Pencil? Computer document? Other? I am old school, pencil. (Btw, pen was invented by Croatian)
What colour is your favourite pair of shoes? My yellow sneakers.
If you could, would you make everything in the world edible? What do you think Sky would taste like? Would you have to boil it first? Or could you just eat it raw? Nope. But if everything is edible, I would gladly eat top of a mountain.
Did random send you random and often updates of his score on his rise to conquerer like he did to us? Yes he did, I was always updated.
On speaking to a Croat friend of mine (old guy), he called Ireland "little Croatia" and insists on it. Do you know what his reason for that might be? Yes, because of the similarity of making jokes and expressing humor between Croatians and Irish.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you dislike it when you open the fridge and things fall out? 7.
When you open a door, do you use your right hand, or your left hand? Right.
When you drive do you wear sunglasses? I don't have sunglasses.
Is 21 degrees Celsius your favourite temperature? Is the 21st day of the month your favourite day? Is 21:00 your favourite hour of the day, right through to 21:59? Do you ever buy 21 bananas at a time? Could you, if you wanted to, drink 21 beers in one night? If you had to, would you be able to swim 21 hrs straight? Are you obsessed with the number 21? Nope, 21 and 2.1 are reserved for you my friend
What is your favourite thing about the number 21? The fact you get 2 for investing only 1.
If you could teach just one thing to average players to make them better, what would it be? Consider double bonus principle. When we are (1) considering what we are gaining from doing an action, which we often do, we often forget to (2) consider how much our opponent is losing at the same time. The most often strategic mistake on the site which I witnessed is that players are considering only (1) without thinking of (2).
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I would like to sincerely thanks to Dukasaur for giving me the honor to be interviewed for the Newsletter and for all his contributions done to CC and for Newsletters during his serving as a volunteer. Duka, you made CC much better place, thank you for that!
I have enjoyed a lot answering the questions, and please receive my apologize to everyone especially to Dukasaur, that you waited for answers for several months. Free time was just not my the best friend recently.
Thank you,
Josko
-- Thank you for taking the time to answer this HUGE volume of questions! - DK
The Unknown Side of the Escaped Rudolphby SilverWill
What many people don’t know except for a few players is the background of what happened the first few days of the “Rudolph has Escaped” event and the events that lead to figuring out the puzzle that the Santa’s were hiding. There originally were 3 ways of finding Rudolph. The first being the riddle that the Santa’s had that you noticed when you first looked at them. The second was their file names that gave you the exact location of Rudolph when you put them in order from the 1st Santa to the 16th Santa. This third method was never intended to be possible but was figured out by three players: dgz345 (who Razorvich says doesn’t count due to being the head of the tech department), dakky21, and myself, SilverWill. It involved using the search feature in the forums to look for a specific set of words that were special to the event itself due to being the link for the pictures (please note that it is not as easy as it was since you now have to look through over 2500 pages instead of around 20).
Apparently this loophole was used all the way back in Valentine’s Day of last year, where someone provided the file names to Razorvich instead of the links to the pictures. It exposed the fact that he searched for a Photobucket account instead of the actual pictures on the site (would have been simpler to just google search the key words for the pictures then you would have gotten the links a bit easier, of course it isn’t as easy now). Big Wham hosted the pictures back in Easter and no one searched for them so they tried to do the same thing this year but accidently put them all in the same folder. Not everyone had thought that searching for the parent file would make any difference but it exposed a serious exploit that the admins had to quickly fix which caused the event was delayed for 2 days.
When each was asked how they found out about the link for the pictures, dgz345 and I found out about it by finding one of the pictures and noticing that it had a link that was very distinctive to the event. dakky21 mentioned that he and dgz345 were talking after the Easter event and dgz345 mentioned it to him and he kept a copy just in case. Each person sent a PM to Razorvich saying that they found Rudolph but never gave the location to anyone in the event other than to those that knew the location. When asked about what he thought after he found out that a few people already found Rudolph before the event started, Razorvich mentioned that “he was furious, spent the entire time at work stewing about it and sending abrupt messages during his breaks.” They had planned for this not to happen with a few of the tricks they had up their sleeve but at least found out about it before the chat events started.
Shortly after dakky21 found Rudolph, he started talking to a few Volunteers in live chat causing them to think, “This is going to be a nightmare” and that it was going to ruin the event which none of us wanted to do. Within 30 minutes later, I joined live chat with the same situation as dakky21 except to find out that I wasn’t the only one to find Rudolph with the method I used. Of course, we were followed by dgz345 mentioning that he found Rudolph also.
It changed things at the start and left the question, ”What to do with the 3 people (2 players if you remove dgz345) who know where the Santa’s and Rudolph is?” After a 2 days of consideration, Razorvich came back with this challenge:
IF you can provide me with :
1. THE LOCATION OF THE LAST SANTA 2. THE SOLUTION TO THE PUZZLE
You will be an honored winner of this competition.
Remember this though: - You MUST keep all you know to yourself - All EXISTING Santas/RUDOLPH have been deleted by Wham. (might be best to clear your cache) - You have until December 30 to submit your answer to the puzzle. - IF another user beats you to Rudolph ... YOU LOSE”
Of course, each of us accepted the challenge in our own way: dgz345 to “find Rudolph by weird means” using the tech team’s ways (there’s a rumor that dgz345 found another way but it is unconfirmed and just want to say that not everything shows up in the source code) and dakky21 and I partnering up to find the last Santa’s we were missing and to figure out the puzzle using 2 heads instead of 1.
It took dakky21 and I a few days to find the last Santa’s which left us with trying to figure out the puzzle that Razorvich was talking about. We played with the concepts of it involving the first letter of each of the clues, if there was a different order for the numbers then 1, 2, 3, 4….., if it had something to do with the order of the clues, downloading the photos to take a better look at them, did the pictures actually stand for letters and several other different ways to hide clues. After looking around were started looking at the Santa’s a bit closer and noticed that the image names were in fact the letters for the second way of finding Rudolph.
I asked Razorvich how he came up with the idea for the image names and he replied with,
See this is the thing... as I discovered at Easter.... everything had ‘EGG’ in the file name, easy to search for... so random names are the go...I was hiding Santas... then I thought, if they are going to be random 3-4 letter words, why not break down the file name to where Rudolph is. At first it was only going to be 10 Santas..... I had to change the plans and add another 6 to fit the name LOL (all 3 - 4 letters).... AND... ITS HARD TO SEARCH FOR LOL.
This was a great idea that turned all the random letters into something useful.
All three of us agreed that due to our unfair advantage that we would pass on the credits and the premium and dakky21 and I just requested the General Achievement medal for managing to figure out the puzzle and finding all of the Santas. Of course, neither of us was that interested in the credits and premium but more interested in the challenge itself and being able to say that we figured out the puzzle that Razorvich put together.
Well don’t think that the next event like this one is going to be the same or as easy since Ravorvich already has “some ideas for the next event that will even stump dgz345.” I can say for sure that dakky21 and I look forward to the next event and what Razorvich has that will “screw with our minds” and bring a new element of competition and fun to CC.
December 28, 2010. The day I became a writer for the CC Dispatch.
Four years and two weeks ago.
Four years. For some, it brings to mind the term of the U.S. President. For some, it's the time they needed to finish their university degree. For a Nexus-6 replicant in the movie Blade Runner, it was a complete lifespan, which indeed it is for a Golden Hamster or an Opossum in real life.
Like the Nexus-6, I am reaching the point where I need to retire myself. The tl;dr version -- I just don't have it in me any more.
For my friends, the longer version:
I was quivering with excitement when I first became a Dispatch reporter in December of 2010. That was nothing, compared to how I felt in August of 2011 when I became the section chief of the War Games (tournaments) section. It was such a thrill. The Dispatch, and especially the War Games section, was the centre of my online world.
Over the next couple of years, we had some good times and some bad times. People who I had looked up to as mentors and leaders started disappearing. Samuelc812, the person who had been "always" been the head of the Entertainment Department since I joined CC, retired. It just didn't seem the same after that. Jricart, my original section chief who had brought me on board, resigned. Lackattack, the site founder himself, ran for the hills. AndyDufresne, the Community Manager who had kept all the Team CC traditions alive and made Team membership seem important, went into the long night. Team CC was never a cohesive whole after that; just a bunch of individual efforts with no unifying principle.
Gilligan, one of the longest-serving mods in CC history, took over the Entertainment Department after Sam left, but Gilligan made it clear right from the start that his real interest was just the Special Events end of things, and the Dispatch was a bastard child that he really didn't want. That began the long and complex process of the divorce between the Media side of the Entertainment Department and the Special Events side. While Gilligan ran the Special Events side, Victor Sullivan arose to run the Dispatch/Media side.
Victor did a great job raising the public profile of the Dispatch, but internally he was domineering, vain and egotistical, and he rubbed the rest of us volunteers the wrong way. I led the rebellion against Victor, although I've had many chances to wonder if we did right or wrong. In the end, it was Victor's frequent unexplained absences and not our rebellion that got him fired.
We had tagged Leehar as Victor's replacement, but he was already a Clans mod at the time, and he refused to take the job. Smart man. Thehippo8 ended up becoming Chief Exec of the Dispatch, and the first leader of the newly-independent Media team once the divorce from Special Events was finalized and the old Entertainment Team laid in its casket.
The hippo left us not long after, and I became the next head of Media, in June of 2013. A blessing and a curse. I had an opportunity to remake the Dispatch in my own image, but ironically I had already lost interest in the job before it was given to me. If I had been offered the job of head of Media in June of 2012, I probably would have seized it with great relish and built a great department, but by June of 2013 my enthusiasm for the Dispatch had waned, and when I took over it was with very little joy. I was 50 years old by that point, facing a litany of troubles in real life, from trouble in my career to trouble in my marriage, and what I needed was a reduction in my volunteer duties, not an increase.
So I was handed an opportunity to remake the Dispatch just at the moment when I least wanted it. I took on the job of Chief Exec with full intentions of quickly making some reforms and then handing the thing on to someone else, but it didn't quite work out that way. Nobody who wanted to take over appeared on the horizon. Conquer Club's volunteer base was dwindling, and the Dispatch was no exception. With the passage of time we had fewer and fewer volunteers to choose from, not more and more, and the few people who seemed qualified to take over weren't interested.
Meanwhile, my reforms took longer than expected. Still, progress was made. In February of 2014 bigWham finally delivered what lackattack had promised more than three years earlier: the newsletter, or at least a summary or "teaser version" of it, was sent to the inboxes of all members. I thought with the sudden increase in potential exposure, everyone with an opinion would flock to the Dispatch and want to write for it, in order to have their opinion seen by the greatest number of members. For whatever bizarre reason, that didn't happen. All kinds of people have privately bitched to me that it's so difficult to get exposure for their ideas, but none of them seem to be grabbing the obvious opportunity to get in here and publish their ideas for a wider audience.
In the summer of 2014 we began work on the great redesign of the Dispatch. Dispatch 2.0, on a blogging platform, has been in the works for a while. Still, it's been six months, and the process should have been over in six weeks. For this I take full responsibility. I've had all kinds of people offering all kinds of great suggestions, but I just haven't had the energy and drive to push their ideas to fruition.
I've made a lot of excuses, but bottom line is, if I really had the motivation I would have made it happen by now. Eighteen months ago, when I took on this job that I didn't really want, I thought I was doing my duty, taking one for the Team. Now, in retrospect, I'm thinking more and more that it would have been kinder to refuse. All I've managed to do is keep the Dispatch on life support. I haven't had the zeal to make it live, and I haven't had the balls to let it die. If the office of Chief Exec really was vacant, maybe the Dispatch would have ceased to exist. On the other hand, maybe somebody would have stepped up to bat and taken over -- someone with genuine enthusiasm for the job, not someone just going through the motions out of a sense of obligation.
I'm working 60 hours a week now in real life, and when I log on to CC it seems I just want to relax and play games, not do all kinds of more work. If I can pull myself together long enough to do something useful on this site, I think I should focus on the Great War and other tournament series, not on the Dispatch. Push has come to shove, and I can't do everything.
Many thanks to all those who have helped me along the way: the great workhorse of the War Games section, DaveH, his predecessor anamainiacks, my almost-deputy Swifte, my friend and co-conspirator Leehar, writers angola and macbone and sensfan, contest contributors dakky21, koontz1973, and iAmCaffeine, and many more.
Finally, a look at the retirement of another great newsman, who was always an inspiration to me:
A Tribute to Dukasaur: Sentiments from Newsletter Volunteers and Others
4 years and a few weeks ago, the Media Team's "founding father" of the era brought forth to CC a new Newsletter, conceived with pride, and dedicated to informing a large amount of users.
Now, the time has come for our beloved friend to pass the torch. After the announcement of his resignation, a group of sentiments for him have been compiled below:
DaveH wrote:The Duke - colleague, mentor and a jolly nice guy! Many thanks to you for all your support over the years in managing the newsletter publications. There is no doubt that you will be greatly missed, though I hope you are still around for the occasional game or two and to continue designing your wonderfully complex tournaments. Respect, mate!
macbone wrote:Duk, man, you're outstanding. Thanks for giving us so much here at CC, and thanks for contributing to make this site a better place. From your posts to your newsletter to your tournaments, you've always contributed to the betterment of CC. Thanks for everything.
trinicardinal wrote:I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Duk for all the time and effort that he has put into this newsletter and in putting up with all of us. It certainly won't be the same without him and we'll have to hope that his replacement will be able to fill his shoes. Best of luck as you move on buddy and make sure you pop into the Chat Rooms from time to time.
trinicardinal
RedBaron0 wrote:I wish him good luck and thank you. I know his peril in trying to revive and run a department on the edge of falling apart. He did his best, and did a lot of great work. He'll be missed.
JamesKer1 wrote:Duk, you have always been a source of inspiration for me when helping out CC, and I wish I had gotten to know you better than I have at this moment. I feel like I do half the work you do, and you do it about ten thousand times better. If we had just one or two more of you, I think the whole site would pretty much take care of itself You are one of the most straightforward and collected CC users I have met thus far, and I hope that just because we don't get to work alongside each other "out in the field" anymore doesn't mean we don't get to work together at all. Have a great well deserved retirement!
iAmCaffeine wrote:I really don't have much to say, apart from thanks. Duk's tireless service clearly doesn't go unnoticed.
As a player, organiser and mod you set yourself high targets and yet are a pleasure to work alongside. Doing more behind the scenes than people realise can be a thankless task and at times I'm sure it is, yet you persisted for a long time and dedicated yourself to the task. You're much more open minded than some your counterparts, though it's a shame some of the larger forum egos haven't noticed. Personally, I've found you to be a top colleague and will miss your leadership.
Take it easy mate.
TX AG 90 wrote:Thanks for all your hard work Dukasaur. I first met you when I joined what is to date, the greatest tournament ever in the history of CC, DK's Intensities in 10 Cities. Up until that point I wasn't much of a tournament player. But your creativity and organization hooked me. All tourney creators could learn from you. Now that you are retiring from the Newsletter, I hope to see more!
Soon thereafter, we were clan mates and I continue to look forward to many more battles with you.
Thanks again! TX AG 90
A tremendous thank you goes out from all who are not mentioned here, this is only a handful of the thousands you have helped.
There are 40 completed tournaments and 2 still to finish. Since the last newsletter, 7-Up has finished. This major tournament was started by Peanutman in December 2012 and I picked it up about a year ago. It has been a real marathon and I have had 34 team member replacements. However the format is well liked and should be repeated sometime - though not by me!
The final results are as follows:
Wine Fly
280
Empire
261
The Spankin Monkeys
232
7OFU
223
The winning team comprised uckuki, timogl, nicarus, kabanellas, RobbieDub, ElricTheGreat and Hook2 so uckuki consolidates his lead with the player standings as uckuki (9418), benga (6766), swifte (6006), gilligan (5405) and aussie02 (5094).
TPA 3: Standings Link to Individual Scores (The Google scoreboard has not yet been updated with the latest results but will be once the final two tournaments are completed).
Tournament Winners Update: December '14by iAmCaffeine
This last round comes in the winter flavor, giving you not 9, but 20 maps to discover! In this last, tenth instalment, the difficulty is LOL!
In this contest, you will identify Conquer Club maps by small samples extracted from them. Look in the circles, see if you can spot what map that image is extracted from, and PM to dakky21. There will be 10 rounds with 9 images each, for a maximum score of 90. The images will gradually become more difficult as the issues move on.
You must PM your answers to dakky21. Please do not answer by posting in the thread or PMing to anyone else. Only answers sent to dakky21 will be official.
Answers to each issue's quiz must be sent within ten days after the actual publication date.
Minor typos will be overlooked. If you mean "Jamaica" and you type "Jamiaca" that's fine. HOWEVER, we are not finishing your thought for you: there is both a Baltic States and a Baltic Crusades. If you just type "Baltic" that is a WRONG answer, because it would require us to finish the thought and decide between Crusades and States.
Points will be cumulative over the 10 issues.
Depending on interest, the 10th round may carry bonus images and/or bonus points. Editor's note: This one comes in this round!
In case of a tie at the end of the contest, dakky21 will PM a supplementary tiebreaking list of extremely difficult images.
Please format your answers as follows:Number dot space Name of Map (Example:
1. Jamaica 2. USA 3. Austerlitz
Prizes:
First place 2000 credits
Second place 1000 credits
Third place 625 credits
Top five contestants get a GA medal.
To qualify for any of the above prizes, you must score at least 35 points over the course of the contest.
If and only if we get 25 or more contestants, we will have a random draw for a 6th GA medal.
If and only if we get 75 or more contestants, the top player will get a Challenge Medal in addition to other prizes. Editor's note: we got the 75 in our first installment!
Every issue the top contestant will get one or more Conquer Stars. Just like everything else about the stars, this is shrouded in mystery, so there's no telling what kind of star you will get! Drab? Auburn? Pink? A box of 50 Auburns? Wouldn't you like to know? This star prize can only be won once, so if you win it in week 1 and you are the top contestant in week 2 again, the prize in week 2 will go to the second place contestant, and so on down the list.
(NOTE: TWO maps are from map foundry; none are rotated or color shifted)
Round 9 answers: 1. Northwest Passage 2. Salem’s Switch 3. British Isles 4. Rail USA 5. Easter 6. Clash of Kings 7. Spanish Armada 8. Africa II 9. Alexander’s Empire
Some of us dream of coming up with that one idea that will see a new map (and maybe their name up in lights!). Then there are those who have come up with those gems but real life got in the way. And the rest of us are gutted – our tongues hanging out lusting for these delights to just HAPPEN! No doubt many of the good ideas will get going but here is a brief survey of some of those ideas.
Here Evil DIMwit developed an inspired new concept altogether. Four disconnected regions where the winning condition is predicated on a player dominating their own territory first. A lively debate ensued both over imagery and gameplay.
As to imagery, Evil DIMwit’s first idea was four randomly selected countries:
Click image to enlarge.
They were selected:
Because they're small. Because they're often overshadowed by their neighbors and don't have maps of their own. Because those territories are actual administrative divisions and I can't be bothered to do enough research to split a country up into meaningful territories on my own.
Seems like everybody had their own ideas on what countries could be chosen, not least of which was ironsij0287’s Wharholesque concept:
don't know if you're keen on fictional places but what if it was just one country but mirrored four times into four different dimensions or alternate realities? Almost like a comic book bizarro world scenario. Here's a crudely drawn example of my idea.
Click image to enlarge.
As to game play, the discussion was equally as lively.
The first issue was bonus conditions. natty_dread suggested:
Another idea: reversing the victory condition idea... into a losing condition: you need to maintain a presence on all of the maps or you're eliminated from the game. That could be interesting, like playing 4 games at once and if you lose one you lose all... the only problem here is making it so that everyone gets equal territories in all separate areas.
I think that last bit is one reason a victory condition map is better than a losing condition map.
There was a lively discussion regarding regions, starting positions, team play and whether there should be some cross-over between the maps. As to that last issue Evil Dimwit rightly noted:
That would cause some impossible scenarios; say, if player A was eliminated from one map and player B was eliminated from another, and player C from a third, there's no way of re-entering a country once you're eliminated from it.
Regarding capital bombardments and other map-to-map links: I feel like this would drive the map closer to what Cold War is, where the board is divided but there's still a bit of communication. In principle, I don't think that would break the map but it kind of takes away from the pure idea of strategically deciding which map to deploy in and which *not* to deploy in.
I don't like the idea of cross map activity myself. I can forsee that leading to games that never end. Like a two player game where they end up removing each other from 2 of the 4 and then their bonuses per round would be so high that they could never stop each other from constantly bombarding back and forth.
I know you are used to long production times but anything new and unique gameplay wise is certainly very welcome. The faster we can get this to beta the earliler we will know if it even works or if it will require a major revision like das schloss did.
But real life gets in the way - although Evil Dimwit keeps the torch alive with:
The reason it's taken so long is because I've been at a tremendously busy period in my life -- starting a job and moving to a new city and driving across the country and doing fascinating things -- but it looks like things will be stabilizing soon so hopefully I'll be able to move at least some of my maps forward (including this one).
The amazing Industrial Helix showing an incredible knowledge of geography and history developed this map:
Click image to enlarge.
It would be unfair to try and recreate the massive discussion that went on in the 18 pages of interplay, and perhaps the original comment by Industrial Helix says it all:
Yay, the promised Russian Civil War- looks nice. I was happy to see Poland and the Baltics and of course the "Western" (British) influence involved. I was about to say something about the stranded Czech Legion that dominated from their railcars, but then I scrolled over and viola! Very well researched, very well done.
But here it is the real life intervention is truly astounding as Industrial Helix bares his soul:
just a heads up and sort of update: i was living in japan and then woke up to a giant headache and left sideparalysis,...it was a massive stroke.. some stranger came to my door unexpectedly and called an ambulance.. he probably saved my life. anyway, i chilled out in the hospital in tokyo for a while then my mom came and brought me home to the usa for treatment, which is where I'm at now... i can give more details when i have two fully functioning hands to type and then I'll be able to work on the map some more
And I’m sure you will all agree with the sentiments of ender516:
Wow, IH, that must have been terrifying. Good to know you are home with loved ones at hand. Here's hoping your recovery is speedy and your insurance is sufficient!
I hope you get better. Good Lord, I can't imagine what it must have felt like. I need to be more thankful for my relatively good health... I hope you have a speedy recovery, Helix.
Smashing onto our consciousness Dolomite13 brings the thrill of the speedway to CC:
Click image to enlarge.
With graphics and gameplay stamps behind him, you’d think this would race into Beta but then Dolomite13 let’s us know:
Heading off to Cancun for my wedding/honeymoon ... I have been working on the graphics a bit but dont have anything to share just yet. Don;t give up hope on me I will have an update shortly after I return in a few weeks.
Had my computer in the pits temporarily but now its out and roaring around the track...Start Your Engines!!! I can work on this thing once again =) Just got windows 7 installed fresh on a new 2tb hard drive. Upgraded the machine ram to 16g, the video card to a beefy overclocked gtx570 and photoshop from CS3 to CS5...
Sounded good but then stony silence. Sigh, ain’t technology fun!
Apologies to veryone I've been quite sick over the past few months and still am on antibiotics right now, but I plan to get back to work on this now and hopefully we'll have a new version in the next couple of weeks. Thanks for all your patience and understanding.
But now feyerv has, after a valiant solo effort posted:
Edit: I started work recently and have a very hard time finishing the map. Does anyone want to offer his/her help to take-over the project and finish the map? It will look very nice at the end! The project is in Photoshop. If someone is brave enough, pls contact me and I will pass you the Photoshop Project
Now that might be a good reason for him to come to the end of the line (for now) but where is the community support. Come on people lend a hand! And remember – two can share the glory on any map. You’ll never get a better offer!
But now TheSaxLad but after a huge amount of effort similarly posted:
Thank you all for you comments but due to exams and time constraints I wont be able to finish this map. I have all the development files and if anyone would like to carry this on then please Pm me. Thanks for all your hard work and comments and thanks to the Mapmaking Mods. Ill see all you guys around
Well if you’re not going to take up TheSaxLad‘s offer, what’s your excuse for not taking up this one?
And now for something completely different from the fantaysmic Danyael:
Click image to enlarge.
Danyael worked long and hard, through 19 versions and stalled at the precipice to Betaville before in his words:
I myself was disappointed that this hit the bin, but what can you do thats life. not all things work out as we see planned one day things can totally flip your world around. as i dreamt of my mythopoeia for quite the slumber myself from this small idea i've formed a whole new realm of fantasy So.. I have now returned and able once again to continue... but i'm not quite ready for an offcial update.
But he was only having a little time out and says:
the goblins they do nothing....in there long sumbler...but there are babies to eat .....and dragons to plunder...`they have begun to stir ... yes indeed !
Results of the Dispatch Critics Contestby Dukasaur
First prizeand the Special Citation both go to agentcom, the special citation being for the interestings. Incidentally, I read the whole Times review, and my favourite line was the same one that agentcom decided to quote.
Honourable mention orange stars go to: angola for great use of self-depracating humour, mookiemcgee for that personal touch in his well-written anecdote, and thelord for going deeeeeep into the archives.